Participating in the Doyle Dialogue Fellows program this semester has significantly improved my ability to participate in difficult conversations. It has also given me the knowledge and skills necessary to facilitate such conversations for other individuals and groups. Developing a deeper understanding of the Resetting the Table (RTT) and In Your Shoes™ (IYS) dialogical methods gave me a structure upon which to base and facilitate difficult conversations. These methodologies, in addition to our other program activities, have solidified for me that the best thing I can do when participating in dialogue across difference is to listen intentionally.
As we discussed throughout the program, there is a very important distinction to be made between dialogue and debate. Debate is done with the purpose of convincing another person or party that you are correct or hold superior ideas. In contrast, the goal of dialogue is understanding. If both parties walk away with a more comprehensive understanding of why the other thinks the way that they do, then the dialogue has been successful. In my experience, I tend to gain significantly more from dialogue than from debate. Where debate is often unsuccessful in changing either party’s mind, I always walk away from a dialogue having gained a new understanding of the topic discussed. This experience reinforced my belief in the power and importance of dialogue.
It also led to a significant evolution in my understanding of how dialogue takes place. Prior to participating in this program, the majority of my dialogical experiences had occurred naturally; they were not structured or planned conversations, but rather late-night discussions with friends or family. Studying RTT and IYS as frameworks helped me convert my informal dialogical experiences into the skills necessary to facilitate difficult dialogue for others.
I was particularly drawn to the In Your Shoes™ framework. In Your Shoes™ aims to help opposing parties understand what things look like from someone else’s perspective. I really appreciated IYS because it accomplishes this largely through an exchange of personal narratives. It builds empathy and understanding between individuals and communities who may not have shared those emotions previously. One of the IYS activities we did as part of the fellowship was to share stories with another participant and then to act out each other’s narratives using the exact same words as the original speaker. I found this to be incredibly powerful. When I was sharing my partner’s story, I noticed that using their words and expressions did literally put me in their shoes, helping me more fully understand the emotions and thoughts they held as they had their experience in real time. Similarly, hearing my story repeated back to me gave me a clearer understanding of how I view my own experiences and how I share them with those around me.
Participating in this program has helped me understand polarization and conflict as a failure to connect with those who hold opposing views. One of the things I always appreciate in a dialogue is the starting notion that all parties involved believe that their perspective is the best means of creating a net good, whatever that may mean in a given situation. Starting with this in mind always helps me stay open to ideas that I may disagree with on the surface level. This program has helped me take that general assumption to a higher level, allowing me to understand polarization, in particular, as something that could be significantly mitigated with better and more frequent dialogue between opposing parties and individuals.
Moving forward, I plan to maintain my openness to dialogue while incorporating the IYS and RTT strategies I learned during this program. In particular, I look forward to “getting to bullseye” as I attempt to repeat my understanding of what my dialogue partner just said to ensure that I fully understood the point they made or the perspective they shared. In my personal life, I see these strategies allowing me to have much deeper dialogical conversations with friends and family. Academically and professionally, I also know that these skills will allow me to dive deeper into conversation topics that I may have previously avoided for fear of misspeaking or being misunderstood. I anticipate that I will share these skills with those in my personal, academic, and professional communities through both direct conversations about them and informal interactions involving these strategies. I am incredibly grateful for having had the opportunity to participate in this program, and I know that I grew immensely as a communicator because of it.
